we are all part of this oiled machine: so indifferent, yet so different. we aren’t all known just by what is seen, but what isn’t. so it is. i try to stand. at best, when it hurts, i laugh. i’ve got a smile that’s starting to frown and fade away. i got lost down in the fires of hell. lost in the lust, lost just because. i saw my face in the mirror there. i saw it turn to regret. as i was burning for all my sins i had good company. so, at least, when i die all alone, i know my friends will burn with me. patrons gunning towards the exits—a forlorn attempt to evade the vapid, the coming storm. curtains blur the lines between the martyrs and the dissidents as i discard everything sacred.

one day you will wake up and be glad you did. and i’ll be right beside you, like i always was. now that we’re older we’re not the same kids who built these mountains between us. you don’t want him and you never did. all he wanted was to get as far away from here as possible, with you. one day you will notice your frown beginning to fade. washed off of your face by autumn rain. we’ll look up at stars and see such different things. i’ll see your face, but you won’t see me. i’ll be lost in the rain. one day you will wake up and be glad you did. and i’ll be waiting for you to crawl back to bed.

slide your hand and twist the key. you’ve got a kiss with a bitter taste. i don’t want love—you must be confused. i don’t want anything to do with you. because things fall apart. do the dance—run the rat race. bite your tongue before you step out of place. you’ll never find what you’re looking for, so just settle for what’s in store. i don’t want to run—you must be confused. because things fall apart, and i disappear.

the beauty in a picture is that is will always be the same, even when the people in it change. you’ve left me here to reassemble all the shattered frames—i won’t let broken glass ruin memories. that’s where i belong//you’re in my heart//i’ll be yours//you’re all i want. i’m starting to see that life is all of those things that happen when you’re not listening. so i’ll give you the moon on a string, cause it’s all i can reach. but one day, we’ll walk with stars beneath our feet. that’s where i belong//you’re in my heart//i’ll be yours//you’re all i want. i’ve never had the money to smother you in these worthless, dispensable trinkets or rings. but i can give you my heart and all it contains. it may be cold and broken, but you could fix it up for me. with me you belong//with me you belong//i gave you the moon, it wasn’t enough//you’re all i want.

my oldest friend—what do you see when you look over at me? do you see the plans we laid centuries ago? at a time when time was nothing..we had miles left to go. so where did i go wrong? all that i want is more than i can have. my love—what will this mean ten years from now? will you be a light in the dark or just another ghost? this castle is a lonely place to lay my head at night. my dreams a prison for my heart. all that i want is more than i can have. all that you are is more than i am. all that i want is more than i can have. so where did i go wrong? my oldest friend—what do you see as you look over at me? when i look to you all i see is a memory.

my ship has sailed and i’m standing on the shore waving to ghosts—to people who don’t exist anymore. if i close my eyes as i walk with silhouettes, it’s almost as if there are a few of them left. the ones who dream like me, with minds from sea to sea. we’d plot a course to hell and back and hell again. lie like lovers lie. die like lovers die. i open my eyes. there’s no one left but me. only yesterday, it seems, there was my whole life ahead of me.. one false step and i’m waiting on the rapture. as the sun sets behind the spraying sea, i’m reminded there’s no one left but my. my friends, they stowed away on the last ship out of port. i turned inside myself to face the boy behind closed doors. someday, i dream, i’ll escape as the captain of my own fleet. i’m all talk. after all—as i sow, i reap. my ship has sailed and i’m vacant as the sea. i’m waving to ghosts, the only ones who’ll wave back at me.

i dreamt about you the other night—i almost gave you a call. i knew that you’d turn the other way so i saved you the trouble of spinning in place. you’re the worst kind of pain i know. can we forget all the things that you said? can we forget your words? all those lies thru your teeth—do you mean anything? because you don’t mean a thing to me anymore. you’re the worst kind of pain i have known. scurry away. find shelter in another’s arms. all i wanted was a constant. all you wanted was to be harmed. a panther posing as a fawn, helpless in the shrubs. all i wanted was a lover. all you wanted was somebody else.

time and time again i have just tried to live my life. all that means to all my friends is that i lied—i don’t want to do. what will they say to you? what will you say? your suicidal thoughts are gone. you’re older now, you’ve moved on. what will they say to you? what can they say? they should be happy for you, right? don’t worry—they’ll come around in time. now i’m here on my own, i guess that’s fine. somehow, i always seem to get by. tearing down the pictures on my walls. they meant nothing at all. i wasted my time. what will they say to you? what will you say? what are you going to do when the pain goes away? nothing’s ever meant to stay with you, anyway.

PART I i’ve started a fire just to watch the riots as the world burns down. i’ve got it all figured out. i can hide away up here in the clouds. take it all away. i’ll take you all the way. somewhere far away. “a storm is coming”, you say. i’ve started a fire and i can’t douse the flames. i’ve got it all figured out. you feign your wreckage behind mascara lines. take it all away. “here comes the flood”, you say. somewhere far away. “here comes the flood”, you say. the sky cracks a smile as i ascend to a higher plane. the walls you’ve built will crumble. ideas and words are all that remain. THE CARPENTER he walks with his crown of thorns. looks away from here seven snake eyes. wanders to places he’s been before. rots away so others can fly. he says, “i don’t know if it’s worth my time. i don’t believe i can save this kind. but i won’t know until i die.” his heart now is filled with scorn. friends won’t look him in the eye. “the only certainty”, he says, “is that you were born. and like all men, you too will die.” he says, “i don’t know if it’s worth my time. i don’t believe i can save this kind. but i won’t know until i die. hung up on a cross, left to die.” PART II take it all away. i’ll take you all the way. somewhere far away. “here comes the flood”, you say.

it’s a long life without any others—with a whipping wind at your back. dust has collected on my covers. i’ve been waiting for you to come back. i’ve been reckless—i haven’t been sleeping because it hurts to see you in my dreams. the distance i feel isn’t measured in miles—it’s measured in memories. we keep in contact—but what’s the motive? what’s the answer you seek? i have questions for every hour of the day but you never answer me. it’s easy to move on if you never stopped to look around in the first place. i am stunted—i’m staring at your footprints, wishing you would’ve stopped with me. since there’s nothing left for me to say, i think it’s better if i go on my way. but the exits are never flawless—more an entrance to lonely nights. oh, the moon’s high and the stars are shining thru clouds, i’m alone here in this field for the rest of my life. if you’d come back, we could start it over—get married one day, settle down. with the white fence, a nine-to-five gig. find the love that was never around. since there’s nothing left for me to say, i think it’s better if i go on my way. the distance that i feel isn’t measured in miles—it’s measured in memories. i believe there is love to be found. i believe in love. oh, the moon’s high and the stars are staring at me. we’re laying in a field, side-by-side. i tried to reach you but you were miles from me—you were already lost in my eyes. so that night i lost my shot at the moon cause i was busy counting stars. though you were only a few feet over, you had never been so far away.

a designer drug smeared on your face, you look so cold. in another life i would find a way to warm up to you. there’s no point in asking what i already know the answer to. but i’m tired of longing for your touch, of pining over you. i want to wake up where you are. doesn’t matter where the journey ends, or if it takes all night. i would go to the ends of the earth with you by my side. but that’s all fantasy, that’s a child’s dream—to find something true. and this empty sleep with no one next to me? a means to an end that isn’t you. i want to wake up where you are.

and i don’t want to dream, drift away in my sleep, or grow old like everyone else. i want to go down in flames. i don’t want to die on my knees or on the ground. i would give up this life just to go another round. to say that, at least, i tried. but i know that’s not my fate—i’m destined to fall. i’m destined to be buried young. there will be things that words can never explain. just don’t waste your time worrying about me. and it may be selfish to close my eyes and pray that one day i’ll drift away in my sleep. but i’ve fought tooth and nail for a life i can’t have—for a love i just can’t seem to reach. so i bid you farewell with a funeral hymn, and i hope one day you accept the pain that i’ve endured, like a thorn in my side with no one to remove it. there will be things that words can never explain. just don’t waste your lives worrying about me. don’t worry about me.